youve got all the friends you need;

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

home is where the heart is :)

oh and.
i freaking love the art elective girls :D
you guys are seriously like family, and you are all awesome.
every single one of you.
every time i walk into the art room it's like: YAY :D
-family hugs-

p.s: trip to europe to hit all the art museums ftfw :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

the walk of shame.

please don't say a word, it's already burning.

what a horrible time to be reminded of horrible things.
oh well.

Don't sweat it
Forget it
Everything is a-ok
Just let it
Know that it's
All to find another face
I make you come just to watch you leave
You walk around with my heart on your sleeve
Don't sweat it
It's over now
I'm done with hell :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

so.

maybe you're the only one who can make things okay.

and i think shane dawson is freaking incredible.
you hardly are exposed to people who have gone on a miraculous journey with strength and courage, and purely want to help others.
i thought it was hype from zahrah but it's truly amazing.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

set it off.

the work is piling up and i have no idea what to do.
i'm just gonna press on.

i don't know if you were being heartless, but the cuts sure as hell hurt like a bitch.

btw: SET IT OFF IS AN AWESOME BAND EVERYONE. go listen to 'oh marjorie' and 'pages and paragraphs' :D youtube it.

get a grip, huijun. get a damn grip.

edit: i realised i've gotten to a point where i will very nearly die without my guitar. i've been needing it more than ever, it's really my security blanket. without the songs i've written to vent and illustrate, i'd be an emotional wreck.
so, thank you music. thank you my lovely guitar for helping me perserve my sanity and attempt to face the world. i love you.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

temporary; just like you.

i don't know why i'm falling back into the hole i've been clawing my way out of now.
i won't let myself fall back.
i can't. not now.

please give me strength. i need all the support i can get.

when your fingers start to bleed, you realise you're getting desperate to climb out.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Saturday, September 26, 2009

hour glass.

ruth lee rocks :D
thanks roomie you're freaking awesome.

i want to be there but i know you don't want me to be there.
i'm glad that people are there for you now, because it's my opinion that you're a better person than you make yourself out to be.

i bet you're so sick of hearing it, but you don't really want this now.

i'm so screwed for my art exam! D:

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Friday, September 25, 2009

friend.

thank you, i love you guys.
thank you for being there for me, for supporting me, for caring for me.
i know sometimes i'm unreasonable and i do stupid things, but just know that i don't mean them.
i will do my best to appreciate what you've done.
it's amazing to know that i mean something to someone.
and you guys have helped me see that.

jealousy is human nature, but when you're trying to heal old wounds, it's no excuse. you don't want to fall back in again. no way, no how.

just keep your head above.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

you don't really want this right now.

eoys + falling asleep in chinese = BOO D:

the older i get, the more i notice how foolish people really are. it might be amusing to write a social commentary on them after eoys :D
some people are like Helena in Midsummer Night's Dream lol (: yay for lit! (46 quotes in one essay, you are freaking kidding me right?)

you do, you don't.

ily guys don't worry for me i'll be fine (:

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Monday, September 21, 2009

spinning.

mugging for eoys is officially screwed. totally unmotivated and all this self-improvement stuff isn't helping D: i have to hang tight and keep focused.

on the bright side, i bought The Glass Passenger by Jack's Mannequin today. it's awesome! i love every song. especially Crashing, Spinning, Swim (duh), Hammer and Strings (A Lullaby) and The Resolution :D

even if your voice comes back again,
maybe there'll be no one listening.
even if i find the strength to stand,
it doesn't mean i won't go missing.
and the world will come
crashing.

i'm finding the strength to stand. i'm gonna rebuild everything even after the world comes crashing down on me.

give me time to breathe, and i promise i'll be able to go the distance.

edit: i think william beckett's little girl Genevieve is freaking cute :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Saturday, September 19, 2009

repair the wreckage from the blast.

you're a stranger i know well, but not at all.

end of year exams in two weeks! oh my goodness. i'm only halfway through studying! but i'll catch up on it, eventually i'm pretty sure :D

SID shirt is gonna printed soon, so i have that to look forward to.

I feel like i'm surpressing some things, yet i know there's no use thinking about them, so i just stop. 'it's not worth it' is my new catchphrase! :D and i never noticed how fun it was to hang out with random people. sometimes you get to know them, but if you don't it was pleasant experience :D i'm gonna keep on pulling through.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Thursday, September 17, 2009

you do, you don't.

after hyperventilation and 2/3 kilograms of weight loss, i've realised something.
if you don't think i'm worth anything, neither are you now.
because friends care about each other, and i can't keep caring about you when you don't care about me.
i've been holding on to who you were. you're not the same. and you never will be.
so thank you, for all you did for me.

time will tell, but i'm pretty sure you're not gonna move.
i pray you do, but i'm not gonna get my hopes up over it.
it took me so long to understand.
i have people who love me and they wouldn't want me be hurting anymore.

isabel, sarah mac, fran and liyan rock my world. thank you (:

edit: i'm not sure if i'm ready to carry this out yet, but i will try.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

winter passing~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbMyf3hnL0o&feature=related
annabelle by a rocket to the moon is love :D

here's a cover of winter passing i've finally decided to post. worked out the chords last year, but never thought to upload my recording. the audio quality's not that awesome, and i doubt many people will listen to it but, here it is :D my acoustic cover of winter passing by the academy is... which i recorded half an hour ago. (this song means alot to me. sometimes i play it when i feel really alone because it takes me back in time. so try not to be too harsh k :/)

winterpassing.mp3 - huijun

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

in too deep!

just when things were looking up you said it wasn't good enough.
cause i'm in too deep and i'm trying to keep up above in my head,
instead of going under.

there's more to life than wondering.
at least i get to release my feelings through writing.
can't be bothered to analyse what people tell me.
forget false hope, i want something real.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

i need light in the dark.

filmed Amanda's media SA2 today :D with LiTing and Farisha.
it was pretty fun and stuff (: though i had to walk out of the classroom like 7 times so she could film it. amanda owes us ice cream! :D

part of me wants you to read my book.
but like i said, when a person's hurting, they never want the person who hurt them to know how bad they're hurting.

i did a lot of growing up today.
that mean person will not bother me anymore :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Sunday, September 13, 2009

just keep your head above.

Swim (Acoustic) by Jack's Mannequin

i don't think i remember the last time a song has touched me so deeply.

You've gotta swim

Swim for your life

Swim for the music that saves you

When you're not so sure you'll survive

You've gotta swim

And swim when it hurts

The whole world is watching

You haven't come this far to fall of the earth

The currents will pull you

Away from your love

Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn

Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun

A crack in the armor

I swim for brighter days

Despite the absence of sun

Choking on saltwater

I'm not going in

I swim

You've gotta swim

Through nights that won't end

Swim for your families

Your lovers

Your sisters and brothers

And friends

You've gotta swim

Through wars withour cause

Swim for the lost politicians

Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us

Away from our love

Just keep your head above

You've gotta swim

Swim in the dark

There's no shame in drifting

Feel the tide shifting

And wait for the spark

You've gotta swim

Don't let yourself sink

Just find the horizon

I promise you it's not as far as you think

The currents will drag us

Away from our love

Just keep your head above

this gives me hope.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

homework D:

i was reading my old posts today, cause i didn't wanna finish my bits of homework.
i remember when i used to say i missed you.
do you remember that?
did you ever miss me back?

i heart the fray's cover of heartless :D sounds sadder but it's pretty damn good.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Saturday, September 12, 2009

i'll miss every minute of you.

"aww, that's freaking sweet!"
you'd take a bullet for her in a heartbeat, but i'm not sure if she would for you.

i'm seriously gonna miss the sec 4s D: they are like incredible. somehow i just didn't feel like crying today. because i know this is not the end. we'll still all be a part of the beautiful music we've created, and i'll remember you guys, forever and always. -HUGS- and the SC CHOIR legacy will always stay, we will always strive to be up to 'WHOOSH'standard (: you've paved the way and we'll definitely tread upon it :D -hearts ttm-

i dislike the way you're nice to me, not because you care about me but because you think it's the "right" thing to do. maybe you really do care. i'm questioning. but you're making such a great effort to show me you don't. at all. social climbing isn't the most important thing you'll do in your life, you ought to know that.

just look at that clique. do you really wanna be the star of it?

edit: like it or not, i was one of the only people who thought you were worth it. and now i question why i did, with the way you're treating me. but it's really not that bad. it's just FORCED distance.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

don't stop believing.

la la lies? making excuses doesn't help.

jam sess in a couple of hours. hopefully we do something awesome/ productive this time :D
choir farewell! pretty exciting.

all the lonely people where do they all come from?

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Thursday, September 10, 2009

where were you?

ruth lee (roomie :D) and siew jia pretty much made my day today.
they are freaking awesome :D

and i swear that you don't have to go.

inside i hope you know i'm dying,
with my heart beside me.
in shattered pieces that may never be replaced.
and if i died right now,
you'd never be the same.
(you'd probably be the same, honestly)

there are more things in life than this. i need more time to get that.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

breathing underwater.

FINISHED MORE A MATH AND CHEM TODAY :D i'm proud of myself.

take me home, i'd rather die than be with you.

i have no idea why this stresses me out so badly. especially now. suddenly i feel like i'm gonna explode in tears soon. but okay. leave it the way it is. you already don't give a damn. what the hell am i trying to achieve feeling the way that i am? but i can't help being reminded of you.

i don't know you anymore. but i wonder if i ever did. you're so happy and comfortable to leave things as the are. this meant more to me than it ever did to you. i wasn't worth anything in your eyes. i wonder why you even bothered to pretend to care when i cried.

i'm never gonna throw the stuff you gave me out. it's encapsulates who you used to be. you're just not the same person you used to be. i don't know if that makes you happy. but i hope it does. happier than being my friend ever made you.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Monday, September 7, 2009

who's to say this is a social scene anyway.

i don't know when you became so concerned with personal image.
i know it's nice to be friendly, but promoting what people find 'cute' in you is kinda much.
you're really as insecure as everyone else, you're just a brilliant actress.
brava, my dear, brava.

the last thing a person who's hurt wants is for the person who hurt them to know how bad they're hurting.

she's right, i don't like the way you're dealing with things.

start acceleration, take it back to square one.

caught up in her own world; well look who doesn't exist in my world.

you are a sellout but you couldn't even do that right.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.

thanks to mariann and liyan.
you guys really made my day :D
studied chem and finished most of my a math :D
so proud. -grins-
pixie is freaking cute! -squish-

to W, S and F:
you guys need a good sit-down and talk things out.
there are assumptions being made and they are like underlying currents that could cause further conflict. you guys need to communicate.
each of you need to appreciate each other more and be glad you have friends that care so much for you.
remember that no matter what your friend advises you to do, it's because they care about you and don't want to see you getting hurt or disappointed. you guys need to communicate this to each other more.
furthermore, if you decide not to apologise as you don't mean it or you do just for the sake of apologising when you know you are not in the wrong, you shouldn't apologise at all. apologises don't fix things if you don't mean it, because it will be shown in your actions. you have to decide whether apologising is just gonna make the other friend think they're in the right when they are in fact wearing you out completely.

cheer up all of you! especially F. smile (:

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Sunday, September 6, 2009

sleeping at 5am is not recommended.

just finished 40 plus chem questions. Ten Year Series = Total Yucks Seriously.
lol but yay \0/ finally done with metals.
chem remedial tomorrow followed by more intense mugging.
EOYs are just that much more terrifying after your form teacher tells you that your whole class is gonna fail and retain.
yay for her!

then i realised how tired i was. but i'm still not giving up.

why can't i get it right.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

stuttering.

You set me up and that was my mistake
And all I got was permanent heartbreak
Damaged beyond repair
I was, I was much better off
Before I met you
And you're with him
It pisses me off that your A-Okay
And all that I've got is permanent heartbreak

IL THE FRIDAY NIGHT BOYS :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Saturday, September 5, 2009

get down.

http://www.singingfool.com/Title.aspx?publishedid=391033

all of the above! :D

Stay up and get down,
Sleep's just time spent wasting time
So get down, to get down
Let's make it happen all night :D

to buddy: don't worry i'll try not be so sad! :D give me some time.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Friday, September 4, 2009

topsy turvy.

the sortings for prefects is way weird.
ann is in SLD now.
mel is in EXTERNAL.
sandy is in SPC.
ruijia's in SPC and not DISCO :O
and you. of course you. once you decided to be devoid of your emotions you got into welfare. who would've thought. 'you're definitely a welfare person.' i hope you find enough love and forgiveness in your heart for everyone but me. all the best! (i mean it.)

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

preSIDents :D

first and foremost, i want to thank SID 08/09 for being the most amazing committee i could ever ask for.
it's been a great year, and though we're in different comms now, i'm sure i'll be able to see the SID spirit burning in every one of your eyes.
i love you guys and i'm really gonna miss you all D:

SID FTFW :D

and SID 09/10 looks pretty great :D i can see the spirit in them.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Thursday, September 3, 2009

lies we live by.

i glance up,
and i feel my cheeks burn with rage (or jealousy, goodness knows what honestly).
i feel my hands start to shake,
and my mouth goes dry.

i run my fingers through my hair in the most uninterested way,
but i keep my eyes focused on you.
i feel the blood pound in my ears,
and i bite my lip to stop myself from commenting.

shut up huijun, just shut up,
i'm chanting in my head as i gulp air down.
my fists clench,
and i feel my muscles contract in the most defensive manner.

not worth it, somehow,
as much as i wanted to,
as much as i'd thought about it,
i couldn't open my mouth.

the best i can muster is a squeak of 'hi',
and i can't see myself saying anything else.
maybe it's because i know whatever i say won't make a difference,
i should just leave it.

that's what fills my mind when i see you,
but alone i feel pangs of angst and somewhat, regret.
but i bite my tongue.
i don't want to hurt anymore than i already do.

i'm not sure if this will make things worse,
or fix them for good.
graduation in sec 4 is seriously not the solution,
it just isn't.

i'm just indulging myself in my melancholy. this wasted time on you has left me shaking away for something more.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

chelsea.

i don't know where i am right now.
i need to regain the energy to pull myself out of this soon, because i'm seriously slipping in again.
i've been crying so hard i can't feel my hands.
i'm almost relieved to be numb sometimes.

i feel so unbonded with my comm. don't cry, seriously.
i know you won't cry when i leave and you won't miss me at all.
but there's really no point crying over the other seniors (those that really do matter) because we'll still be in the board right! and they won't want you to be sad! :D
you guys can not like me, and not appreciate me, but i just don't want you guys to cry and get hurt over such small things.
cheer up!

i heart chelsea by the summer set :D

edit: I WON'T WORRY MY LIFE AWAY!~
and yes, i think about you sometimes (maybe, a lot). i'm supposed to be so done. yet, i'm so not. are you just busy? or actually busy.

everything i knew, just went out the window
no i can't depend on you forever
and i never thought i'd see my life walk away from me;
i shouldn't have to pay for every word i say
(everything i knew by busted)

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

i'll heed your advice.

two steps forward, three steps back.
but with an absolutely positive attitude :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

just break it.

all i needed was to know if you ever gave a damn.
why don't you just speak up.
i'll let you rip me to shreds.
just do it so i won't have to regret not being able to fix this.

maybe they're right, i don't know what's going on with you. but what you're showing me is what you want me to see right? that you don't care, and that you're fine. and that you feel no motivation to fix this. EVER.
so how do you expect me to feel. do you expect me to feel. maybe you've forgotten that i'm not just some roadblock and that i'm an actual person. who knows really.
you do. BUT YOU WON'T TELL ME. so. how is this gonna even work, even with all the non-chalance you find so easy to exude.

edit:
it's not enough that you pretend not to care when you do, but it's the front that you put on. what for? you have to ask yourself that. is that gonna make things easier to deal with? i've tried to understand. i've tried to communicate. but you're pushing me away and i don't even know why because your reasons keep changing. and i, being totally unable to let go as i am, am still holding on. i know you want me to know you're done, but the things you say when i'm not there. it shows that you're troubled. why can't we just fix this so we're not anymore. EOYs are screaming towards us, and as much as you are unaffected (apparently), it bothers me. why do you need to hide and then crumble. i know i can't change you but honestly.
i'm getting mixed signals from everywhere. is it really the best thing for you to not even bother to maintain a jovial relationship with me? ask yourself that. i know your beliefs are not easily changed. but seriously. you should consider this.
there are periods where you can forget it, but that doesn't make everything ok. it just ships everything to the back of your mind. and when it hits you again, i doubt it'll be better.
so honestly, if any part of the you i knew was real and not a lie, i know you'd consider things properly.
and there's no point pretending you don't care. it doesn't make you any stronger.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

LOL. LMFAO.

hahaha. i'm just gonna laugh because it's so stupid.
oh, so you came up with another reason.
you can keep blaming me for not changing. but wait a minute, DID YOU EVER TELL ME WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS?
do you honestly believe that you have no self control, and i have no self control. you can decide you know. i'm not forcing you into anything.
honestly, things are all black and white to you. and who was it who told me that i was too extreme and that things don't have to always be an ultimatum?
hell, do you really think i haven't changed? i've learnt so much from the shit i've been through.
and you know what, you don't even care. because you're tired, and you can't see things that YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE. i'm sorry, but this source is so obviously one-sided.
you have so many reasons to reject my attempts at peace. PICK ONE WHY DON'T YOU. you keep changing them. why.

tell it to my face. and don't expect things to be any different without you saying anything. honestly, i'd talk to you if you'd attempt to listen.
ly and chlo are right. just that you can't see it when you're so blinded by your own notions. wake up.

edit: don't lecture me about the people you've hurt. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

AEP AEP AEP :D

ART ELECTIVE IS

THE FREAKING LOVE!

you guys are so amazing. mannequins are done and all the crap we've been through has finally paid off and it's phenomenal :D ily guys, for caring and being there for me (especially sarah, thea and darelle :D). AEP is awesome.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

you lost me.

can't you see my room from there?
burning, burning.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

love drunk; now i'm hung over.

cast away the notion of love, because saying that you love someone forever is impossible.

you love who they are currently, but people change, and sometimes you change with them.
sometimes you just drift apart, and you find yourself unable to love them.
love is now, and must constantly be reinvented.

i wonder how friendships and relationships work out.

slash is the ultimate guide to life :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥