youve got all the friends you need;

Monday, August 31, 2009

accusations; i won't run.

i don't need you to be sorry.
i'm past expecting any apologies cause i know you're not sorry and you never will be.
you've been clear enough.
but all i'm asking is for you to treat me like a normal human being.

i'm gonna break down these walls.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

wow.

i swear. i'm gotta bite my tongue until it breaks or bleeds.
jeez.

thanks.
thanks for letting me know that. it's pretty much unfixable.
and heck, i thought it might just have worked out somehow.

if it's so hard to breathe,
why don't i just stop.
i've lost so much of me,
i can hardly recognise myself.

you're better off, i get it. life's much brighter without me getting in the way or clouding your own ideals of a great life. but things don't have to be the way they were. it'll just be better if they aren't the way they are.
idk. you're not feeling the same way, okay. what are you feeling.

edit: i wasn't worth the trouble. now i know where i stood in your eyes.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

walls.

can we just pretend like nothing happened.

are you cold or are you just afraid to tell me how you feel. my heart on my sleeve is obviously not enough.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

love.

to all prefects, seasons to remember item members and sec 3 choir,

GREAT JOB :D

prefects were enthu, seasons to remember crew was super duper fun. sec 3 choir did quite a good job despite the time constraints :D pat yourselves on the back everyone.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Sunday, August 30, 2009

reminisce.

bits of you will stay with me.
maybe forever.

losing who you were,
have you found yourself again?
who is to say we're who we are,
who defines me?
which people perceive you to be real,
who are those who know the truth?
can you define yourself?
or are you someone else.
are you who you want to be,
or just what you're meant to be?

do you feel because it's right,
or do you feel because you do?
are you able to stay true to yourself?
or do you let circumstances define you.
should you laugh when you're happy?
or laugh when it's appropriate.
do you lock yourself up inside,
because you won't give the person knocking on your door a chance?

maybe when you look outside,
you'll find yourself.
or who you used to be.
or the people you left fragments of yourself in.
but you never think like that,
because there are too many people,
too many to even begin to count.

then you realise.
you really do count for something.

i'm suddenly inspired. tqvm.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Friday, August 28, 2009

things have changed for me.

i just want to walk over and give you a hug. and i'll mean it i swear.
and to just say: hey i'm sorry, friends? i know it's impossible but it is POSSIBLE to work things out.

btw jsuk, ruth, siew yun and marie ann are awesome. and i thank them very much.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

but i don't want to.

i can move on and i'm almost done, but if i can fix this, i don't want to have to.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

i'm sorry.

i know you're sorry, and i wholeheartedly forgive you. it's okay, really. i shouldn't have stormed off the way i did. and though being stressed is not an excuse, it's a reason, and we all have to deal with it. so it's okay, really.

and you have no idea how hard it was to see you cry and know that even if i went over you wouldn't want that. i can't comfort you and as much as i want to, i can't help you. i thought i could just let things go, but i then i realised how much it hurt to see you cry. i bloody care about you and if you can't see that then it's probably because i'm not making it obvious enough or you don't notice.

i've done things i regret, but i've never stopped with my offer to be friends. i bloody want to fix this. i know you're gonna scold me for it being a bad time or whatever, but. today was different. today felt like those days when we used to be friends and we would fight over stupid things, and end up crying with each other and apologising.

i know you might not think it's the same. and yes, it's different. but when we were friends, i stuck around because i felt like it was worth it. like YOU were worth it. no matter how tiring it was, i wanted to be there for you. and i still feel upset when you cry. i don't know where you are right now, and i wish i do, really i do. if i could talk to you, i'd ask how you were, and if you were putting on a front, and if you felt upset and where we are at as friends.

i'll wait. i'll wait until you are ready to talk to me. to get away from this problem of awkwardness or whatever. cause it freaking tears me apart sometimes. i cried. because i was stressed, and because i couldn't do a damn thing. i felt helpless. and you know what.

i ~~fucking~~ miss you.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

done.

my reasons haven't changed.
but yours seem to have. maybe it's because there was no reason all along.
but i'm kinda done wondering.
justify what you will, but i expected more from someone as secure as you.

everyday, in every way.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

i heart thedisco.tumblr.com

the tag for this was why so pretty. i think it should be changed to WHY SO AMAZING.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

teehee and hands :D

sorry i just couldn't resist :D i heart mr. urie :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

teehee.

i guess i'm happy too.

i hope you're happier now than ever (and i hope she helps you with that) :D cos you deserve that.

Art Elective FTFW :D i love my sanctuary. and i will bug darrelle more (: LOL.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

will you.

say you'll mean it?

choir is exhausting but i'm getting to love it again :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

this is weird.

i have a lost face because i really don't know what to do about things!
i'm just so done with this.
i don't speak when there's nothing to be said.
and it sort of feels good. the silence is heartwarming somehow.

finding out who i really am.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

new perspective!

http://thedisco.tumblr.com/ panic always makes me smile :D btw brendon is so cute when he get mobbed. lol.

an unearthly sense of calm.
i should wait for the right time, but what if it never comes.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

whispers hello.

and she reminded me that i regretted it. it wasn't the best way to deal with things :/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Monday, August 24, 2009

what can i do.

i wanna live a life from a new perspective.

i wrote you guys a poem! (it's emo as heck. lol. but i vent like this :D)

piercing eyes
so wide and glossed
focused intently
feelings of awkwardness and the pretence of non-chalance
i smile back
things i can't control
are things that i can't fix
so i let them go

that's how i'm feeling right now (: she asked me if i wanted this, i swear i do. it's just that it's past the point that you'll hear me out. i swear there has to be an easier way.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

in too deep.

i love my juniors! :D

you're not a judge, but yet, you judge me.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

can you hear me say?

keep 'em close to your heart but never let them into your heart.

i get it! :D -eureka moment- and that's exactly what i'm gonna do. i have the right. thank you to the awesomeness of time. -grins-

i need a hug.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Sunday, August 23, 2009

decode.

and then i realise we're all in the same boat here.

feel better cousy! :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

nice to meet you, sir.

ignorance is about to be my new best friend.

CHEM SPA ARGH D:

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Saturday, August 22, 2009

three cheers for five years.

and if i died right now, you'd never be same.
or would you?

exhausting myself over foolish things again. I HEART THREE CHEERS FOR FIVE YEARS BY MAYDAY PARADE. acoustic and unplugged is love :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

miserable at best.

i can live without you.
but i don't want to.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

deep down in your eyes.

i like this version better than the original. heaven can wait by we the kings. cut off at the back but it's awesome :D enjoy :D

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

hey jealousy.

jealousy, turning saints into the sea.

i realise why i'm behaving the way i do. jealousy is human nature. i know i'm supposed to stop feeling attachment, but i care. i care so much that i act out. so it's not that i don't give a damn how it affects you, but it's because i give too much of a damn.
so i'm sorry i've done crap.

all this jealousy, holding on to the hope that it'll wear off one day (:

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Thursday, August 20, 2009

mr urie.

I HEART HIM TTM.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

pink floyd.

i'm not gonna say i don't miss it.
because i truly do.
i miss everything.
there are things i would change in a heartbeat.

you can't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need.

maybe i didn't need you. but sometimes, it sure as hell feels as if i do.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

you.

it's hard to face harder days when you're looking for the words to say.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

whoa oh.

YAY FINISHED WRITING THE TEACHERS' DAY SONG :D yay for ann and liyan! :D

3PE DID SO SUPER WELL

FOR 110 ROUNDS ILY

GUYS :D so proud.

brendon urie is my happy place.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

la.

open up open up some happiness :D i need more pics of brendon so i can feel happier.

i don't hate you. i will live my life. i'm above your crap. if you have a problem tell me to my face. stop being a coward ~~you prick.~~

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

wow.

i sincerely apologise for my rude behaviour. and to anyone i've hurt or offended through my unthinking words. it was foolish.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Sunday, August 16, 2009

procrastination :D

so don't wanna do lit rn D: meow.
i'll press on.

I HEART SAVE BY THE ROCKET SUMMER TTM.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

slash has adverse effects.

one day, i'll turn around and just decide to freak the world and what others think. but as for now, i'm stuck here with my stupid feelings.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

heart.

i know i shouldn't be feeling this way.

but i'm taken aback by the way my stomach turns when i see the letters you used to write me. and how my head screams when i think of the great times we had. i can't throw the stuff out. i keep my gbf shirt in my bottom drawer so i don't have to see it anymore. but i just can't bear to throw it out.

some days i just get so down and depressed and my mind drifts. i can't block all of this out when i'm too tired to. i know i'm supposed to block it out. but it's so damn hard. and a part of me doesn't want to forget. it freaks me out how i can't stop this from exploding in my head once in a while.

i don't know if i feel hurt, but i'm frustrated. i'm getting used to it but i'm far from being okay with it. if you'd just not be so indifferent and treat me like i exist it wouldn't be so hard. but it's my fault anyway.

i don't hate you. i don't even dislike you. in fact i still want to be your friend. i can't comprehend what i feel about this whole damn thing. and it annoys me. it's all within myself and i know i shouldn't be thinking about it and i'm supposed to filter it out.

i know what i'm supposed to do but things are really easier said and done. sometimes i'm scared of free time. and i'm afraid of being alone. i miss feeling secure. i'm shaken. and it's building up so much i think i might just explode with emotions. i feel so sick of myself.

so there you have it. my heart is on my sleeve. i'll regret this and i might just take this off later. but it'll be a reminder. this is exactly how i feel. i'm tired of people telling me how i should feel. i sometimes feel like being immature. you're mature. you know exactly what to say and do. you're smart like that.

i know it's only because they care, and i love them for that. but i want to be happy now please. and not just HAPPYYYYY yay but truly happy.

i need to find happiness for myself. i'm holding on, it only matters whether you take my hand or not.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Saturday, August 15, 2009

live high.

lately i've been an emo wreck.

this will end, i know it. life's too short to hold grudges and it's too short to be wrapped up in things that hurt you.

I HEART SLASH.

lol. and MY TEAM FINISHED PW :D thanks ruijia and nic!

you're gonna end up hurting each other somehow, but i'm not gonna be the one to tell you that.
i don't want to see it happen to you guys but it's your decision.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

save.

i wish someone would just save me.

ithasn'tbeenthesameandidoubtiteverwillbe.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Friday, August 14, 2009

40 steps.

so this is it,
this is the silence.
we began but it's never quite over in the silence.

when i was calling for the answer that you probably shouldn't know.
when it feels like flames surrounding me here.

revelations.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

what do you want from me.

ever felt while everyone as running your feet were glued to the ground and you can't even shift.

meow. thanks for trying (:
but sometimes it really feels like you distance yourself too.
i'm tired of objective views.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

i am pathetic.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Thursday, August 13, 2009

:D :D :D sweet nibblets.

I PASSED A MATH.

(yayhoo!) hard work pays off!

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

found it yet?

it's strange. if i made you someone you were not, then why aren't you yourself now?
just an observation. normal people don't laugh that loudly and they don't poke fun at everything, especially when they look like death the moment the majority isn't watching them. people can tell if you're straining to smile. my opinion might not matter, but i'd hate to see you be someone you're not again. don't pull that mask over your face again. i'm sure you're beautiful just the way you are.
you're not a bad person. fate just didn't want it to happen.

HAPPY NON-BIRTHDAY ESTHERRR. lol.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

come back down.

we used to be so tightly bonded.
looking back at the stuff i used to blog about. what happened. what's with the cliques, the drama, the politics, the unhappiness?
what happened to that something so magical. so untouched.
was it me? or was it you. or was it the circumstances.
i miss it: every minute, every moment, every feeling, the laughs, the tears, the hugs and the smiles.
now every smile feels like a crack across my dried face. and every tear hurts my eyes like acid. i want sec 2 back. for you, for me, for everything. it was so perfect.
idk if you do but i would love to turn back time.

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

feel.

pull my head out of the water
just breathe
gasping for breath
i'm holding on
i feel my nails scrape against something rough
my fingers bleed
i feel myself slip back under the water
totally weightless now
i'm caught between sinking and drifting off
is this real?

do you feel?

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

zonked out.

everything we had; is no longer there.

a math test, physics test then choir, and then art homework. my brain hurts and i'm pretty sure it's not another migraine. i'm just glad that the practice tests are OVERRRRRR. but as mdm goh said: "time to revise for EOYs" -.- argh. students in singapore = slaves to the educational system.
and i miss being able to write songs easily. IRRITATINGGGGGGGGG STUPID WRITERS' BLOCK D: i need something fresh to listen to. recommendations anyone?

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥

Monday, August 10, 2009

running from lions.

i faced my fears and lived the dream on friday!
JASEY RAE FTW. no one knew the song other than frances and serene but i'm glad they tried to sing along!
the support was so overwhelming there was so much screaming! it was kinda scary but awesome at the same time. i thank 3PE for their support but i'd like to thank cinnamon group for GIB for suggesting that i sign up in the first place and my specially awesome supporters (you probably know who you are). ily guys! :D

the hols have left my mind to mull over many things. things never stay the same however badly you want them to. for better or worse, change is inevitable. whatever's happened has made living each day a teensy bit harder, and there are awkward situations.
but doors are always open. it's just whether you choose to walk through them or not.
the memories always stay, you can never forget them. but you can learn from them.
people are not shaped by their circumstances, but by how they react to the problems posed. (i learnt that from justine so my awesome deskie :D)

singing the symphonies of the overdosed ♥