youve got all the friends you need;

choir everyday afterschool and sectionals during recess. i'm seriously tired. not to mention that we have tests and homework and i had a freaking cold that i almost died from this week D:
yesterday, i had a horrible horrible cold. the night before i was like waking up at one-hour intervals to wipe my nose D: and i woke up randomly at like 5am in the morning D: going back to school is hard. very hard to snap back into the old lifestyle! i'm really exhausted. during choir, i started running a fever so that wasn't all that great. then i went in affixation, in which caused me to totally start shaking and turning pale because i completely couldn't breathe properlu D: I STILL DENY THAT I'M SICK. okay who am i kidding lah. kelly and justine kept telling me i was running a fever. and i refused to believe them. but i went home. and i was running a 38.1 degree fever O_O choir is getting frustrating for everyone. especially because we had to study for the lang arts test today. and everyone's got the flu bug and it's tiring D: i hope it gets better.
today, i coughed out blood D: OH HOW FUN. YAY FOR BLOOD COMING OUT OF THE WRONG PLACES! :D oh and my nose bled from me wiping it too much today ): it's the worst cold i've ever had since... EVER. thanks to everyone being nice and being concerned for my cold though :D it'll get better once the phlergm clears up. somehow, someday. thanks to justine and emily and victoria and liting and nicole and julia etc for comforting me today. i don't know what's gotten into me. i think it's the flu. i know i'm slow in the head. and i know i suck at dancing and that automatically makes me shit at performing arts. but to point it out infront of EVERYBODY. it goes without saying doesn't it? maybe it was the embarassment that made me cry. or maybe it was the fact that i knew it was true and i hope no one else would notice. i'm a total retard. and i think lowly of myself. i see that now. it's quite sad D:
i realise that even though i wanna be happy and enthu and optimistic, it's for everybody else's benefit. i just wanna put smiles on their faces, you know? but like i kind of don't think i'm good at anything. i'm just. insecure? i'm kind of confident in front of a crowd but my confidence is so lacking on the inside D: gosh. i sound like an emo freak. eww. this makes me so uncomfortable.
i don't think i deserve to be a perfect nominee. let's see how it goes.